Today & yesterday.

Today has been so strange, for the whole day I have tried and tried to get my head round whats happened to my dad but I cant. My mind wont let me believe it. Some times I act as nothing has happened and try to think of other things and distract my self and it seems to work but every thing reminds me of my dad.


Yesterday I listened to music that my dad liked and some that him and I would argue about because he thought his taste in music was the best and all my music was rubbish. I listened to this one song that my dad would play for me in his car last year called (Ideal World), that really was painful, to hear the music that was once playing when my dad was still here with me.


I know nothing will actually hit me until I get home that's the most terrifying part. I did think I was lucky not being there when it happened but now I think every one that's in our house has a chance to get used to dad not coming back in from the shops and so on. I know every time some one walks in from the back door that I am going to look for my dad and I cant imagine how painful its going to be sitting in the living room looking at the seat my dad sat in.


It just doesn't feel like it was supposed to happen, but I am not angry about it. I believe if there is a God then God showed mercy to my dad by not letting him know he was ill. I have such a weird feeling it's like he is telling me he is okay because I have this weird sense of calm.


I feel like I have to do some thing more with my life now, I just wish I had time to show my dad I can make some thing of my self. It makes me sad all the things he will miss out on, but no one knows how far the other place is, so maybe he wont miss a thing. I know my dad hated it when I was sad so I am going to do my best to be happy and stay that way because Life Is Too Short!


I know its soon to be writing about this but it helps coz I am 6000 miles away from my family :-(.


Kaycie x