I truly wish this. :-(

Beneath the white fire of the moon
Love's wings are broken all too soon
We never learn
Hurt together, hurt alone
Don't you sometimes wish
Your heart was a heart of stone
We turn the wheel and break the chain
Put steel to steel and laugh at pain
We're dreamers in castles made of sand
The road to Eden's overgrown
Don't you sometimes wish
Your heart was made of stone
Look at the headlines
Big crowd at the crazy house
Long queue for the joker's shoes
Ten rounds in the ring with love
Do you lose and win
Or win and lose
Sweet rain like mercy in the night
(Lay me down, wash away the sorrow)
Caress my soul and set it right
(Lay me down, show me your tomorrow)
Summer tears, winter and the moment's flown
Dont' you sometimes wish your heart was made of stone
Mercy, mercy wish your heart
Was a heart of stone
Get the picture
No room for the innocent
Peak season in lonely town
Knocked out of the ring by love
Are you down and up Or up and down
I ask the river for a sign
(In a dream we go on together)
How long is love supposed to shine
(In a dream diamonds are forever)
But you and I, hurt together, hurt alone
Don't you sometimes wish
Your heart was a heart of stone
Mercy, mercy wish your heart was a heart of stone
(With a heart of stone, you'll be well protected)
Don't you sometimes wish your heart was made of stone
(With a heart of stone, you'll be well connected)

beautiful.

If this world is wearing thin
And you're thinking of escape
I'll go anywhere with you
Just wrap me up in chains
But if you try to go alone
Don't think I'll understand

Stay with me
Stay with me

In the silence of your room
In the darkness of your dreams
You must only think of me
There can be no in between
When your pride is on the floor
I'll make you beg for more

Stay with me
Stay with me

You'd better hope and pray
That you make it safe
Back to your own world
You'd better hope and pray
That you'll wake one day
In your own world
Coz when you sleep at night
They don't hear your cries
In your own world
Only time will tell
If you can break the spell
Back in your own world

Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay, stay with me
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay
Stay with me

My dads Fave song.

Sing your magic spell
Into my ears
Place a blissful sigh
Into my tears

Cradle my forgiveness
Judging that I'm half a man
If it were not for your sweetness
I would not know who I am

Take your magic broom
And sweep my heart
Rescue Cupid's arrow
From broken hearts

Reaching for completeness
Digging deep into the sand
If it were not for your sweetness

I would not know who I am

I find a shelter in your wings
I find my self-remembering
That I'm in a dream

Blow your moonlit trumpet
And sound my tone
Sing to me your silence
And call me home

I'm not full of answers
Though I pretend that I am
If it were not for your sweetness
I would not know who I am

!

Hafiz

حافظ

Ghazal 483







A traveler in a strange land
Took a stranger by the hand,
You will only see clarity of the wine
If for forty days you let it stand.
God keep us from the dervish’s cloak
That conceals an idol in every strand.
Though virtue needs no recognition
Let helping the needy be your errand.
O you, the owner of the harvest
Keep your harvesters from reprimand.
Where has all the joy gone?
Why is the pain of love so bland?
Every chest is gloomy, dark and sad;
Let love’s flame in hearts be fanned.
Without the finger of lovers
For golden rings there’s no demand.
Though Beloved seems to be so harsh
The lover accepts every command.
Walk to the tavern and I will ask,
Have you seen the end you have planned?
Neither Hafiz’s heart is in lessons so grand
Nor the teacher can fully understand.

Music and Dad

All tho me and my dad thought differently on allot of things we did share the love of music.


Whilst my brain is trying to think and deal with it, all I can think about is driving with my dad listening to music. If he was in a good mood he would let me bring a CD and he would listen to my music, I always tried to impress him with my songs. I remember one day when I brought a CD with me and it had ludicrous (move bitch) on it and my dad was making me laugh so much by acting like he was in a rap video :-).


My dad saw me cry allot last year some times it was over nothing but when I had a real reason to cry my dad all ways would say don't cry sweetheart and if we were at home he would go in to the kitchen and make me the strongest sweetest cup of tea. Last year my dad was there for me I wish I could say thank you and sorry for the year of hell.


Next time I paint my room who's gonna take the piss out of my work? I am so sorry I didn't call him once whilst I was here. I was going to call him one day to ask him how to cook a big joint of pork but I didn't if I only did call him things wouldn't be as painful now.


I hope that me and my brothers can make my dad happy now by sticking together and by doing the best we can to behave and love each other.


I am gonna miss our funny fights and I will so miss dad at Christmas and new year getting loud and drunk as a fart then passing out and snoring the house down.


I cant even tell you how this feels the only way I can describe it is, your heart aches and you can feel the physical pain. I feel like a kid when I cry it just reminds me of when I was little and it was bed time, I would have these panic attacks that some thing would happen to my dad and mum and I would run in to the living room to tell dad and mum that I never want them to die and dad would say don't be silly.


Last year I had a horrific dream about my dad dieing and I woke up and I was so happy that it was a dream, now its the other way round I dream he is here wake up and he is gone.


I just hope he is being looked after where ever he is. I know he will be so happy to see his dad and mum and brother again and all his mates. I think he actually has more people there than he did here. I wonder if his dad still calls him by the nick name he had when he was little, I know he would love that.


I will never be the same again a part of me left with my dad.


I love you dad. x

Today & yesterday.

Today has been so strange, for the whole day I have tried and tried to get my head round whats happened to my dad but I cant. My mind wont let me believe it. Some times I act as nothing has happened and try to think of other things and distract my self and it seems to work but every thing reminds me of my dad.


Yesterday I listened to music that my dad liked and some that him and I would argue about because he thought his taste in music was the best and all my music was rubbish. I listened to this one song that my dad would play for me in his car last year called (Ideal World), that really was painful, to hear the music that was once playing when my dad was still here with me.


I know nothing will actually hit me until I get home that's the most terrifying part. I did think I was lucky not being there when it happened but now I think every one that's in our house has a chance to get used to dad not coming back in from the shops and so on. I know every time some one walks in from the back door that I am going to look for my dad and I cant imagine how painful its going to be sitting in the living room looking at the seat my dad sat in.


It just doesn't feel like it was supposed to happen, but I am not angry about it. I believe if there is a God then God showed mercy to my dad by not letting him know he was ill. I have such a weird feeling it's like he is telling me he is okay because I have this weird sense of calm.


I feel like I have to do some thing more with my life now, I just wish I had time to show my dad I can make some thing of my self. It makes me sad all the things he will miss out on, but no one knows how far the other place is, so maybe he wont miss a thing. I know my dad hated it when I was sad so I am going to do my best to be happy and stay that way because Life Is Too Short!


I know its soon to be writing about this but it helps coz I am 6000 miles away from my family :-(.


Kaycie x

Today :

My Dad.

Don't know why I am doing this on here but it will make me feel better.


Today is a very sad day for me, I lost my dad. I didn't have time to get ready for it so now I feel like I am in a dream, I wish it was a dream. I haven't been to sleep yet because I am scared of waking up with that feeling you get in the morning where you forget whats happened and you feel happy for two seconds. My whole world is going to change now, I cant believe I have no dad to look after me any more. I am going to so miss me, my dad and brothers all having dissin matches and dad getting merc'd nearly every time. Who is gonna cook me my Sunday dinner now? And who is going to replace my Ipod every year? Who am I going to ask how to spell things?


I wish I could have said so many things, I hope he knew I loved him and that I didn't mean to be a bitch. Maybe now he is looking down on me he will see that I love him. I never want this to feel real. I am just glad that my brothers and me all have parts of my dads personality because every time one of my brothers make me laugh I will know that it came from dad.


I am never going to be the same again and now I feel like your little girl again more than ever. I will never forget all the things we spoke about when I was little I know you really only wanted what was best for us lot.


I know I will see you again so I am not saying bye I am gonna say see ya l8a dad I love ya. P.s thank what ever granddad gave me my ears and tell Tony I love him and tell him not to annoy you like I know he is gonna, in a good way.


I love you dad forever. xxx